


Magnus' new personal assistant

by katychan666



Series: 5 Times Magnus Disliked Technology + 1 Time That He Didn't [3]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: 5+1 Things, Attempt at humour, Humour, M/M, Magnus and she dont get along at all, Siri kind of, personal assistant
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-08
Updated: 2020-09-08
Packaged: 2021-03-06 15:07:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,356
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26360896
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/katychan666/pseuds/katychan666
Summary: Magnus gets a new virtual personal assistant and they don't get along... at all.
Relationships: Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood
Series: 5 Times Magnus Disliked Technology + 1 Time That He Didn't [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1905793
Comments: 15
Kudos: 72





	Magnus' new personal assistant

Magnus was always a busy man so having a personal assistant was amazing, especially when that personal assistant was a virtual programme that lived on his computer. At least in theory it sounded very exciting. Simon has shown him an  _ app  _ that he could download and have it organise a lot of things. And when Magnus watched Simon do all of that it sounded very easy and amazing, so there he was, sitting in his living room and was trying to get the app started, happily humming along. While it was true that he wasn’t all that good when it came to technology, he was in the process of learning. He had a long way to go, but he was still - he liked a challenge and he was going to make technology his slave, yep. That was what he was at least hoping and he smiled. He was going to tame this personal assistant and he then hummed. 

Magnus spent quite some time before reading what it was all able to do and it was really amazing. Like that he would be able to keep it all organised; it was able to make schedules and inform him about things in case he would end up forgetting about some things. This was very useful when it came to making potions and other things for his customers. But it was able to do more than that; it was able to also call and text people without you even holding the phone. Apparently it was all voice activated and Magnus was in awe; it sounded almost too good to be true. It was like magic. 

_ Mundanes truly did advance a lot when it came to technology. _

So, it was able to call and text people, it was able to search the web for news, weather forecast and so on. It was even able to play music and tell jokes. So, all in all, it sounded like a very well rounded personal assistant. Magnus liked the idea of having his own personal assistant, but he didn’t want to deal with an actual person, so it being just a program, it was all that better. At least he wasn’t going to fight with it. And if he wouldn’t like it, he would just end up uninstalling it - it was that easy!

Magnus got excited when he tapped onto the icon of the app after it was installed and he then waited a little while for all of it to load up and he then rubbed his palms together, accepting all of the terms of use and then his personal assistant was ready to use. Apparently she even had a name - Ruby! Oh, Magnus hoped that she was going to be great help to him because he truly needed something like that. When he was brewing up a potion and he needed to call Alexander or someone else and he couldn’t really get to his phone; ah, it sounded quite amazing!

“ _ Hello, _ ” said a female voice and Magnus perked up. Oh, it could even talk! It sounded like a robot, but Magnus liked her voice. She sounded a bit robotic, but also kind. That was good! “ _ I’m Ruby, your new virtual personal assistant, _ ” she said and Magnus happily nodded. “ _ I am here to help you with daily tasks. Thank you for downloading me and I hope we get along, _ ” she then said and Magnus chuckled.

“Oh, you’re very polite, I like you already,” said Magnus happily. He was about to say something else, but Ruby was already back in business and Magnus narrowed his eyes. She didn’t hear him? Hmm. Well, after all it was still just a virtual assistant, she probably didn’t hear everything. It said that it was able to learn his name as well and just as he was about to find out how he could do that, Ruby asked for his name on her own and Magnus jumped a little bit - how did she read his mind?

“ _ What would you like me to call you? _ ” asked Ruby and Magnus smiled.

“Magnus, my name is Magnus,” said Magnus and then he wondered if she was going to remember his name. 

“ _ Nice to meet you Magnus, _ ” said Ruby and Magnus grinned. Oh, it was totally working. ” _ What can I help you with today? _ ”

Oh, she was very fast! Magnus liked that and he took a deep breath. “Oh, yes, right,” said Magnus and then hummed. “Can you please set an alert for 6pm today - I am supposed to cook dinner for Alexander and me today, you see, so it would be very nice if you remind me about that. It’ll be a little surprise for him and I won’t be using any magic at all,” said Magnus and then he waited for Ruby to say something and he grinned all the way up to his ears when he saw that it was working, again!

“ _ Alarm set for 6pm, today, _ ” said Ruby and made a beeping sound.

“Thank you!” said Magnus. “Oh, I think we are going to get along very well,” said Magnus and then he hummed, but Ruby didn’t respond. Right, it was supposed to be voice activated; if he said her name, she would listen, right? “Ruby!” said Magnus and the screen of his phone lit up. She was listening! “Can you search for some good recipes for a romantic dinner?” asked Magnus and he waited.

“ _ Searching for the nearest diners. Please turn on your navigation, _ ” said Ruby and Magnus narrowed his eyes.

“That wasn’t what I-” said Magnus and he shook his head. “No, I want a recipe for a dinner, not a diner. Dinner,” said Magnus, but Ruby wasn’t listening anymore and he huffed under his breath. Okay, this was going to require a bit more work than he first anticipated, but he was sure that he could manage to do this. It was kind of hard work, so he was going to Google for a recipe himself a bit later. He wanted to know more about Ruby and because he had some spare time, he decided to ask her a few questions; Simon was able to hold a normal conversation with his own assistant and Magnus was curious. “Ruby, tell me something about yourself,” said Magnus instead as he decided not to get upset quite yet. 

“ _ I like animals, do you have any pets? _ ” asked Ruby and Magnus smiled.

“I actually have a cat, yes, his name is-”

“ _ Cats are very intelligent animals, _ ” said Ruby and Magnus smiled. Good, they were on the same page; she was a cat person too, huh? “ _ My friend Stacy has a kitten called Bella. What is your cat called? _ ” asked Ruby and Magnus chuckled. Ruby had a friend called Stacy and she had a cat? That was kind of oddly specific, wasn’t it?

“My cat’s name is Chairman Meow,” said Magnus happily.

“ _ That's kind of an odd name, _ ” said Ruby and Magnus narrowed his eyes.

“Excuse me?” he asked.

“ _ I have a dog, she’s more of a loner. A German Shepherd, her name is Rose, _ ” said Ruby and Magnus was still offended - how dares she say that the name of his cat was odd? Since when was she supposed to be so judgy? Then again, she said that she owned a dog - somehow, he didn’t get how that was possible - so she was a dog person. Well, the person who programmed her was a dog person?

“How about you keep your opinion to yourself? Chairman Meow is an unique name and my cat is amazing. You got that?”

“ _ I’m not sure. _ ”

“Why are you so judgemental?!” asked Magnus and shook his head. “You don’t even know my cat. Just so you know Chairman Meow is tons better than your Rose; she doesn’t even exist, so why are we fighting about this even?” asked Magnus and he pouted. “I don’t appreciate-”

“ _ Let’s be friends, _ ” said Ruby.

“Not until you apologise,” said Magnus. Was he really sulking and fighting with a virtual person? Yes, yes he was. 

“ _ London is my favourite city, _ ” said Ruby and Magnus narrowed his eyes.

“What the fu-”

“ _ Have you ever visited London before? _ ”

“Yes, I’ve lived there even. What does that have to-”

“ _ I want to travel to London once. What is your favourite place that you want to visit? _ ”

“Tokyo,” said Magnus happily. “Alexander got me-”

“ _ I’ve heard that Tokyo has a lot of museums you can visit. Do you want to hear more about them? _ ”

“I-” said Magnus and then rubbed his temples. She wasn’t listening to him at all! She was all  _ me, me, me.  _ “No, I didn’t say that, I wanted to… ugh, just let’s talk about something else,” said Magnus in the end and Ruby seemed to agree with him, asking him more questions that Magnus was more than happy to reply. 

For now.

* * *

“Ruby, what’s the time?” asked Magnus, who was slowly running out of patience and he just looked over the counter. The dinner was in the process of being ready, but it wasn’t going as smooth as he would have wanted it to go and Ruby wasn’t making the process any easier. Magnus was starting to resent his new  _ assistant.  _

“ _ It is currently 6:30 pm, _ ” said Ruby.

“Crap, Alexander will be home any time soon now. I need to get ready and-”

“ _ Calling Alexander, _ ” said Ruby and Magnus groaned and shook his head.

“No, cancel call,” said Magnus and gritted his teeth. The dinner was supposed to be a surprise for fuck’s sake, she was ruining everything, but luckily, she did cancel the phone call and Magnus just ran his fingers through his hair. “Ruby, please cooperate with me, you’re doing a terrible job as an assistant, I hope you know that,” said Magnus.

“ _ I am sorry to disappoint you, Magnus. _ ”

Ah, there she went again with the guilt technique. It worked the first couple of times, but now he was getting sick of her. “You know what? It’s not going to work, not this time. You’ve done nothing but fuck things up today. You texted three people that you shouldn’t have - one of them being Lorenzo Rey, so thank you for that. Truly I appreciate it. You’ve caused me nothing but trouble, so fuck off with your guilt trip techinque,” said Magnus and rolled his eyes.

“ _ I feel insulted. It’s very hard to master communication skills, I’m trying my best, _ ” said Ruby.

“I doubt it,” said Magnus and rolled his eyes. 

“ _ Do you wish to hear a joke? _ ”

“The hell? Do I look like I need a joke right now?! Seriously, just-”

“ _ When I say knock-knock, reply with who’s there. Knock-knock, _ ” said Ruby.

“I have a dinner to cook not listen to your poorly written knock knock jokes,” said Magnus and rolled his eyes.

“ _ Searching for the nearest diners. Please turn on your navigation, _ ” said Ruby.

“I will uninstall you, how about that, huh?!” asked Magnus, who was trying his best not to lose his cool around the boiling water of pasta. Was it making fun of him?

“ _ Why will you uninstall me? Aren’t you happy with me? Give me another chance, I’m still learning, _ ” said Ruby and Magnus rolled his eyes. Magnus was about to say something, but his phone started buzzing and he arched his brow. “ _ Incoming call from Alexander, _ ” notified Ruby.

“Pick up,” said Magnus.

“ _ Call cancelled, _ ” said Ruby.

Magnus’ blood was boiling with anger. “You really can’t do anything right, can you?” asked Magnus, but Ruby didn’t reply. “Ruby, answer me!”

_ “Do you like planning things or are you more of a spontaneous person?”  _ asked Ruby. “ _ I find that making plans keeps things organised. How about you? If you’d like, I can help you with your plans. Just say- _ ”

“La-la-la, not listening,” said Magnus and just turned his back to Ruby. 

“ _ What are your hobbies? _ ”

“Uninstalling you or burning my phone,” said Magnus.

* * *

“Yes, for your information, I can actually make portals,” was the first thing that Alec heard after he stepped inside of the loft. “And for your information, potion making is a job too. If you don’t believe in portalling, then just go fuc-”

“Magnus, is everything okay?” asked Alec and he narrowed his eyes when he heard a third voice.

“ _ This sounds like a science fiction story. I do like reading books, do you like reading too? _ ” asked the voice and it was what pushed Magnus over the edge. Alec opened the door of the kitchen when there was a flying phone incoming his way. Given his fast reflects he managed to catch it just in time and Magnus yelped when he saw Alec. He threw his phone and he hoped it would ended up hitting the wall or the floor, but Alec caught it just in time.

“Darling, I’m so sorry, I didn’t see you! I didn’t… are you okay?” asked Magnus and Alec nodded and then chuckled.

“Are you okay? You look a bit stressed.”

“I’m pissed off,” said Magnus. “Simon suggested me a virtual personal assistant, but she sucks. Ruby is a witch, she is there to piss me off and just-”

“ _ There’s really no need for that kind of language, _ ” said Ruby.

“Ugh, give me my phone, Alexander, I will silence her once and for all,” said Magnus, but Alec then just turned off Magnus’ phone and snorted when he saw his reaction. Well, that was a much civilised way to keep her quiet. “Oh.”

“Yeah,” said Alec. “Cheer up, Magnus, I’m home,” said Alec and waggled his eyebrows. “Mmm, did you cook?” 

Magnus was immediately in a good mood. “I missed you and I’m so happy that you’re finally home, yes,” said Magnus and wrapped his arms around Alec’s neck and pulled him in for a kiss. “I did prepare us a little something. Without magic and all,” said Magnus and Alec whistled.

“Oh,” said Alec and grinned. There was still a pout on Magnus’ lips and Alec chuckled. “Tell me all about this evil personal assistant of yours over the dinner?”

“Yes!” said Magnus.

_ He needed to tell someone how evil she was! _

**Author's Note:**

> So Ruby is kind of a mixture of Alexa and a couple of other personal assistants that I've dealt with along the years xD The plan was to write in Magnus VS Siri, but then I realised it would be kind of hard since I'm an Android user and haven't ever used Siri xD Still I hope you liked it xxo


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